Thursday, March 20, 2014

Simply Love; Simply Happy

Hello my friends! I hope you all are doing well.

Fly - Monkey Majik


As usual, I will write something about my life and share some thoughts with you. I am still waiting for my green card to be issued and for the permission to work. For months I've been living in the States, I had studied very hard, had done some music and drawing projects, but sometimes, I still wonder "What can I do?" Life here is very different from Taiwan, simple facts, language is different, food is different, weather is different, I have had a lot to adapt and am still working on it. Sometimes I feel it's a dream-come-true that I am here in America, waking up everyday with my loved one and going to bed together; sometimes I can't help but wondering if it'd be easier that I just lived in Taiwan with cheaper food and didn't worry about job and rent.

When it's cold and snowing outside, I hide myself in the room and watch Jamie's DVD collections. I've never watched so much TV my whole life - School used to monopoly my life, late night study and class on weekends, for years I was only engaged to a life like that. (I couldn't even watch any 30-min Pokemon on TV on Saturday evenings.) But now I got to spend hours laying in bed, watching One Tree Hill and cry and scream and become dramatic with the characters on the show. I feel I am becoming chubbier, lazier, unattractive.

Jamie spanked me (not for fun) and said I was a bad boy - for the reason I looked down on myself. I ask him if he'd ever stop loving me because I am unemployed and not working hard to change that.
He didn't respond to me but only spooned me from my back and wanted me to take some rest.

I kept thinking why would somebody fall in love? Maybe for an eye-candy, a hot body? Maybe that someone's talented? Maybe for money? Maybe for a nice job? Maybe they need somebody to argue or to fulfill their "submissive fantasy"?  Why would he love me and marry me? Would he change his mind when I stop making him laugh and when I become less attractive? Would he stop admiring me when my singer-dream get busted and become a waiter in a local restaurant?

His reason was nothing else but the way I looked at him, he loved me because he's at the same place in my heart like I was in his. This reason is simple and will never dim.


As far as I am concerned, life is quite complicated, Human beings are weird because they can't make it complicated enough. The way you talk and behave should be appropriate, should sound pleasant; even when you are telling the truth, you can never hurt other people's feeling, or you just merely can't say the truth too be true. :P Moreover, you have to meet other people's anticipations, despite how unrealistic they are, you should go to the best college, you should find a wonderfully paid job, you should go on mission.

For what we are fighting? What other requirements are there? Whom do we need to show our transcripts? And what are the rewards?


Back in Taiwan, $1 could take care of a meal, but that rate really only exists in another world if you live in America; I paid $166.67 to rent a studio when I was in college, now we pay $600 for only a small room and shared bathroom in somebody's house. Sometimes I go to bed regardless my stomach protest how hungry it is, I can't help thinking how great that was when my mom took us to buy night snacks before going to bed. I struggle with my tears in my eyes, looking at my husband who's already asleep, I finally smile and tell myself it's all worthy.

It's true we are poor, and it's not going to be better when Jamie graduates. He'll have his internship and get no paid for a few months, we still don't know if I will be able to work legally yet. And we still haven't known where to live next.


"What do I want?" Haven't I left the place that's full of arguments? Haven't I gotten rid of the people who were truly selfish but pretended they cared about me? Haven't I stopped being a puppet and being manipulated?
I now have a guy who loves me with all his heart; who doesn't need to travel the world to be happy; who wakes up in the morning to cover me blanket and kiss me; who never implies I am not good enough for him... He simply loves me and wants me to be simply happy.


People always list their requirements, they compare the prices on the labels, and they regret how much they pay more on something but forget to value they thing in their hands.

In this moment, there are a million people that are laughing; three million people that are crying; four million people that are fighting; nine million people that can feel nothing. But you are the only one that can decide what you wanna be, and take your own responsibility.

Loneliness and waiting are the price to realize what suits you the best;
Failures and frustration are the price to search and test miracles;
Poor and hungry are the price to save bigger property.

Love is simple, it's complicates to some people because they can't be satisfied. If you can look at it more clearly, you can have a sincere happiness. Jamie only needs a reason to love me and to build a future with me, attributed to that, I am becoming a happier person.





(English Translation)

Climbing the mountain, I feel tired of the struggles, I can't decide whether to go up or down.
The shells collected last year, wouldn't be as beautiful as they were to me if I stop looking at them the way I did.
I thought it would be easier if I could just stop trying, because I forgot what I were looking for.

Love, still exists, as long as I turn my face to the other side.
Go, find my happiness back, stop waiting and wondering.
He will be waiting like a lighthouse at the beach,
waiting for me to come back, waiting for me to realize, waiting for a smile he had admired.
He never leaves, he is my love.




(I hope the lyrics make sense :P)

Thank you for reading this blog. ^_^
Until next time

-- Teddy

Saturday, March 8, 2014

He sees the Best in Me

Hello friends, I haven't write any new blog for awhile, I hope you guys haven't forgot because of that. :) 


My green card application is processing, which means I am really staying! Even now, I still can't believe this is my life. Part of me is still afraid the bubble will be busted anytime when I am not cautious. Dramatic? I know.. :P I guess the only way to explain it is it's too good to be true.

Last night after Jamie and I kissed goodnight, I started thinking of writing a blog and what would I share in it. When I realized, I was crying already. Jamie was half-asleep, he was so tired after working all day, but my sobbing still woke him up and made him worried. I wiped away my tears and told him I was okay, I said, "Even when our life was hard, and I did not make it any easier, you still chose me, chose us.. Maybe you're too stupid, or too positive. But no matter what, I don't want to disappoint you. I don't want to disappoint you... Because you always sees the best in me."

We live in a room that only a bed and a desk can fit in, our lives are all in this little square and it's very crowded. Our desk is very small too, when Jamie is studying he has to use the space on bed in addition to the desk. My keyboard is too big for the desk (and room :P) too, I always have a lot of step-ups before I get to play it. We always buy the cheapest food from Walmart, and eat the same thing meal by meal. I feel so sorry for Jamie because I can't provide him a better and more comfortable life. He works so hard and so long, but all of his income goes to paying the rent. Don't even mention he's a full-time student.

When we got married, we had to repeat some words from the priest, we made our vows that we will stay with each other and take care of each other no matter what, healthy or sick, poor or rich. Jamie chose me to be his other half and made a decision to start forever-together with me. I never heard any complaint from him, not when we were still living in two sides of the world, not when school and work took away all his energy, not when I was bitching him and picking up fight with him. He sees the best in me and us, always has. He brought me to America and gave me a chance to start over my life, be a happier person.






There's a show Jamie and I both like, called "One Tree Hill". Jamie told me if there's a character I am mostly similar to, I'd be Haley. She is one of the purest people in the world, she's so kind and nice, also very talented. I can't imagine myself being her, not even close, but my husband does.. He pictures me as one of the greatest people..

I didn't make it when I applied to grad school. I now basically can't do anything because I am not a resident yet. I am not a fine person and still have my issues. - These all become his burdens. But every night when he comes home from work, he gives me a hug like he just wants to be with me; he tells me how much he likes the food I make even though they are the same every time. He really treasures me.

We are very young now. Jamie is about to graduate from college in a few months; I may obtain permission to work soon, I will figure out what kind of job I can do here in America. We aren't sure what the future holds, but one thing we are sure is that we will hold each other's hand still.

Song I wrote to Jamie - Until I Met You


Thank you for reading.
-- Teddy :)