Big world, Small me.

Hey yall! ;)

I hope you are all waiting for the new blog. Let me start off with my gratitude to you who are continuing keeping up with me.



I've been taking pictures whereever I go, it is beautiful here and it's very different from my home country. I like it, I really do. To me it's always like a dream came true that I am here living in America with someone I love. I get to wake up in the morning and to see whom I love the most and go to bed every night after a lovely kiss from him. I truly am blessed.

However, I can't pretend there haven't been any doubt. Many of times I argued with Jamie. I am not sure what were the real reasons that made me want to run away, but it's happened many times that I had thought about going home. I know I wouldn't be happier if I ran away. But sometimes, it is just too hard.

Jamie told me it's not healthy I wanted to run away every time when there'd trial and problem. I have been thinking about what he said..

Abusive Childhood

When I was still an infant, my family had been broken. My mother was all alone and had serious mental illness since I had memory. She'd been through too much that I could never understand but was suffering with her. I always told myself, someday I would make her proud and would take her to a place with no sadness.

We used to go to theater to watch American movies, it was like a paradise that's full of joy. For years I'd been working on improving my ability to use English. I sometime even joked to myself I should also forget how to speak Chinese so I wouldn't remember the horrible things and words people had done to my family.

A Little Mermaid

Does anyone know how long had Ariel stayed on the land with Prince Eric? How many days did she have to earn his heart and confirm their love as true love?

I got 4 months. More precisely, I need to pass two major entrance examinations to the grad school in two months. I have done one and am now working on the other one. It's been nerve-wracking, I am so afraid I couldn't make it to the school and I wouldn't be able to come back to America next year and Jamie and I would be separated again.

Defense Mechanisms

Not sure in which way I have tried to defense my real feelings.. I had provoked Jamie's tolerance, I had convinced myself we were just not compatible, I had believed I was just too stupid and the grad school was not for someone like me, I had daydreamed the different lives..

Jamie told me the last thing he wanted was me leaving here, he also told me many times how happy he has been since I came.

I don't know where were those from, but yet I don't know why was I so stressed and frightened.

And I remember my mother. I was just like her...

Tears and Realization

My brother, Dennis and best friend, Chelsea have been rooting for me.. They wanted me to be strong and stay because their gifts are on their ways to here. They and many my close friends are also keeping in touch with me on my Facebook. They all send their blessings then and now.

It has been merely a month since I landed to this country. I should allow myself more time to adapt to it. 

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Excuse me putting down some dark sides.. it wasn't something I'd like to see and I tried to avoid things like that appearing on my blogs. Sorry for that.. Please don't worry, I feel a lot better and are back in track! Let's just go back to my adventure! :D

Wing

As you may already know, I bought an acoustic guitar this week!! I mentioned it several times that I visited many stores in the town and near the town and finally decided which would be my baby. I named it Wing, which refers to a dream of music and the desire to fly through music.

Here's the song I sang with Wing that I filmed a few days ago. Terrified covered from Katharine McPhee
Teddy - Terrified

As you can hear, I just started to learn how to play guitar. But I wouldn't mind sharing it with my friends, I thought that'd be sweet to have friends growing better with me.

The song means something special to me, especially at this moment.. I guess I truly am terrified by all these new things and the fact I am finally here with Jamie. The song is also a perk-up to myself I think.

Sister's Taco

Jocelyn, Jamie's sister invited us to mom's and made lunch for us on Saturday. It was so nice to see them, Jamie's mom was as friendly as always and welcomed us to the house.

Dinning table is set!

 

Mom's star-shaped bowl was awesome! And there's Jocelyn, our cook today.

I really liked it! I had had taco before and it was spicy which I barely ate. But this time was more like salad, and the chicken was delicious!!

I hope you can see Jamie has a different hair style that day! ;) I did his hair! He was so worried and didn't want me to touch his hair, but our roommates all complimented it and assured him it looked very good! Nate even said he's a bad kid now. lol 

Anyway, toco was good. ;)

I thought this picture looks like a movie scene or CD picture

Something funny/ creepy was our pumpkins turned out to be like this!



ha ha ha

People Talk to ME!!!!

Although I go to school every weekday with Jamie, I've never really have interaction with anyone beside Jamie's classmates Megan and Alyssa, which makes me a little sad. I am so afraid to talk to people.. I don't see people smile very often here.. And I just feel they will find my accent funny. :P

But there was one day in this week, I talked to three different people all of sudden!!!!

I was looking for seat in the library and a gentleman seemed to notice that and came to me, he pointed to a seat and smiled. I couldn't move for a second because it was overwhelming!

And then after studying, I walked to the building where I would meet Jamie after his class. When I was close to the entrance to the building, a buff buff guy who's just at the door saw me coming and he held the door for me, he said, "I got you!" And my heart almost jumped out, I was all blushing! Thinking about it makes me shy again.. :P

I went to restroom and the light was off. I couldn't find the way to turn it on so just left it. Suddenly a sporty guy came in and he asked me, "The light isn't working?" I was shocked and said, "I don't know.." I ran away... I'd been thinking a long while why did I say that and what else could I have replied him.. maybe I could have said, "I am not sure, it was like it when I came in!" Just anything than "I don't know" and running away.. ha ha

Gay Marriage in Taiwan

Taiwan is issuing equality marriage lately, which really brings up many people's attentions on this topic. Many of my friends all show their supports to it, that makes me so touched and appreciated.. it is not really something really will affect them but rather than sitting silently, they openly post their loves and supports on Facebook and share those articles that about equality. It really touches me!!

I can't stand when people are against equality marriage. Some people say if gay got married, there would be children with no mother or father... that made me so mad!

Because against gay marriage not only separates two people who are building a lovely family but also kills the definition of love. If they said children would have no father or mother.. what would we not have if we couldn't get married?? Jamie is my shoulder that I am rely on, is the reason my heart jumps for, is the goal of my life, and is my future.. Our love is the most precious memory that we create together, he is the one I will walk together through sunny days and stormy days, the one I will be laughing with and the one I will wipe the tears away for..

What are you asking me to give up?

This should not be a secret! Loving someone should not be a secret! Holding somebody's hand in the cold winter should not be hidden; staying in the edge of the bed in the hospital for the loved one should not be a secret; doing grocery shopping with your partner should not be a secret; proposing to the person you decide to spend the whole life with should not be a secret.

Gays should be able to get married. We should be acknowledged. Our society should realize this love. This is a very very happy thing that two people can be united as a couple in law and be protected by it. 

Gay people will be treated the same will start with a country recognizes us as equal as same as everybody. I will fight for our love, fight for my life. And this man has been part of my life already.

How to Make a Guy Love you

In Chinese culture, it is often said the way to capture a guy you like is to fulfill his stomach! I have been doing a good job so far. Surely Jamie needs some time to get used to Taiwanese foods, last time he felt the cooked/ boiled veggie was very weird since what he always had has been salad. I put ginger in my dishes was another weird thing to him, he said ginger is supposed to be put in desserts.

However, Jamie likes the foods I make. I've tried to make spaghetti and turkey sandwiches as well as Taiwanese dishes. He especially likes the noodles I make. And yesterday I finally found a rice cooker and tried our first rice dinner! Thanks to Mark who suggested me the brand of the rice cooker.

Surprisingly, I also was able to find the rice I used to have in Taiwan! It's different from what they have in most of the Asian restaurants here in America!

 

I sincerely felt I was back to Taiwan. Jamie loved the dinner last night too! He's still telling me this today how much he loved the food last night. Aww..



When he finished eating, he didn't miss any grain of rice by licking the bowl thoroughly.

ha ha :P

Thanksgiving is coming!

Thanks to Trevor, Ming and I are going to D.C. to join a Thanksgiving dinner with many other Mormon friends! We will be staying at James's house and we've been talking about this trip for weeks! I am super excited! I can't wait to meet James and his long-term partner, Chip, and their cat Frankie. I've been stalking James on Facebook for years, I even wrote Christmas card to them, cannot believe we are really going to meet and will hang out together!! James told me we will do grocery for buying the ingredients for making food on the potluck and will also go to Church together on Sunday! I am so looking forward to our double-date!


Before I end up this blog, I have another video to share :P It's a silly video of us being super cold today! ha ha Basically Ming is trying to speak Chinese and I look like a mushroom. lol (He says "It's so cold!")
It's Too Cold!

Bye bye everyone :) Thank you very much for reading this!
I especially want to thank to my brother Dennis, and Chelsea, for being do patient to read English blog and putting up with my gradually getting worse Chinese. My brother said my Chinese grammar was a mess!





Love, Teddy