Friday, January 10, 2014

It Teaches Me More than That.

For more than three years, I've been planning to go study abroad. I've done some research, exchanged letters with school consultants, and took language tests. I did some research online to look for a language school that suited me, and finally found one in Taipei. I moved to Taipei right after graduating from college in order to start, and I devoted all my time to studying and hoped I would be able to show my persistence on my transcript and the ideal school would accept me.

I had my struggles, like.. I never understood why would they make the test so hard! Why should I study things like Astronomy and Anthropology when I just wanted to be an art student? Why should I compare and analyze the impact the new government policy might bring when I had no interest in politics, and honestly, thinking of 'which one is better' and doing all these comparisons in my mind just makes me so mad.. I tend to be someone who appreciates  all the different values of things.. Didn't they always tell us to learn 'everything will be okay' 'everything is fine'? I thought we should have an open-mind and embrace all the possibilities.. Why was I always asked to write essays to state 'agree and disagree'?

When I finished my first practice book I thought I had improved rapidly and might be able to get a better score next time when I did another model test. (The book was 817 pages) I'd learned how did carol reefs form and how North-American tree frogs melt after being frozen during the winter, I thought biology would not be a challenge to me anymore.. however, I still made mistakes on the next test, because it's not marine biology nor amphibians, the test was about tree rings. So I opened my notebook and wrote down more vocabulary and the new knowledge I just learned.

It's never going to be easier.. no matter how much I learned.. it just never would be easier. It's like what happens in the book/movie Holes. Everybody tells Stanley Yelnats that the first day will be the hardest, but in the end of the second day when Stanley looks at his painful hands, he realizes the second day is the hardest. After all.. every day is relentless to him.

I applied to several schools, and one of them was University of Colorado. The school actually admitted my application and was going to tell me how would I enroll in the next semester. It was the first school I actually applied to. I thought I was a character in one of the Hollywood movies, somebody going to achieve a dream despite having many obstacles. Some people told them their dream was unrealistic, but they didn't give up and eventually someone saw their potential, or they reminded others of themselves so they supported them. I thought I was on my way to success, because I was as brave as those people, I was no less talented than them.

The school cancelled my application because I couldn't afford the tuition fee. I was not one of the movie stars. I cried and thought it's a part of growing up - to realize that I couldn't materialize my dream.

But why? Why do people try to convince us that fairy-tales exist? Why do people create such things?
Moreover.. aren't those producers and writers adults who have been through so many obstacles and have realized so many times reality isn't fun? Why do they still make these movies, write these stories to teach us to be positive?

Are they liars? Is it easier to get people to pull out the money in their wallets to buy their movies if the movies have happy endings?

Maybe besides testing whether or not I knew the technical words about biology, tree frogs also taught me to not be afraid of the fingers of Jack Frost. They can survive even when they are frozen; they melt and repair after all. Tree frogs taught me how to be still and happy after being defeated.

It's okay if I didn't understand how far it is between Jupiter and Earth and what equipments are required to observe stars. I learned the Earth was old and has been through a lot, for many uncountable days it has bred lives. I can survive from a few mistakes on the test.

There are different brightness of stars, but each of the stars has its history and story. Everybody has their own story and different kinds of beauty than the other. If I can, I want to hear each life story from all my friends; and I will learn to admire different people and their beliefs.

Disney and DreamWorks didn't lie to me, they are good examples. If someday I am able to, I want to do something that attributes to the world that has a good ending, to make today a better place.

I decided not to go to any school, FYI. I am about to be a husband, and I want to be the best husband of my dear Jamie. I will continue writing blogs and sharing my life with you. I am learning from the world, life is the school I am going to.

Lately I decided to start a business! I will accept requests from everybody to draw custom portraits. I have been drawing pictures of me and Jamie and people told me they are lovely. So I thought I should do the same for anyone who would cherish them. I am able to design personal pictures for you that you can put in your house as a decoration, or send out as holiday cards. I want to draw happy faces and people holding hands.  :)

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